Surrogates.
Surrogates (2009) 
USA
Running Time: N/A
Director: Jonathan Mostow
Writer: Michael Ferris (screenplay)
John D. Brancato (screenplay)
Robert Venditti (graphic novel)
Brett Weldele (graphic novel)
Wow. This is truly something special: from the very first image in this trailer of a robot being fit with a human face, I knew that I was in for some serious shit. Not serious shit in the Doc Brown, According to my calculations, when this baby hits 88mph we’re going to see some serious shit. No. More like the type of serious shit where somebody (most likely director Jonathan Mostow, who is also responsible for embarrassing both a franchise and himself with Terminator 3) got down to making a movie that is so seriously bad, it actually took concentration to pull off. I mean like Mostow and his writers probably went to a meditation retreat somewhere deep in the mountains and meditated on everything that sucks until they finally came up with the idea for this corner dwelling dust-bunny. Actually, the idea is from a graphic novel. Aren’t graphic novels basically just glorified comic books for people who don’t actually want to get caught reading comic books? Is it somehow cooler to read graphic novels than comic books? Oh well.
Anyway, this brings me to my next point of contention: the idea. Isn’t this essentially the same movie as Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor’s piece of fuck Gamer? As far as I can tell, both movies use the exact same concepts and neither one of them does it well. I guess that’s because you can’t do it well, seeing as both ideas suck my balls. This movie is so entrenched in trying to wow the audience with the terminally boring concept of a world where people control robots from the comfort of their own homes, that I don’t even have to see the fucker to know that the concept is where this movie lives and dies. It isn’t hard to tell that the makers of this are hoping that you’re stupid enough not to notice that after the idea of a world where humans control robot clones is established within the first 2 minutes, you’ll forgive them for having nothing more to offer.
Incidentally, Bruce Willis: you’re old. You can’t act. You and the whole action genre is about as intriguing as a live feed of Wilford Brimley getting a sponge bath. You should change your name to Bruce Wank-us, because that’s basically what you’re doing every time that you step in front of a camera. Please stop making films.
Gamer.
Gamer (2009)
USA
Running Time N/A
Director: Mark Neveldine
Brian Taylor
Writer: Mark Neveldine
Brian Taylor
If you are a guy and explosions and car crashes and big machine guns being fired recklessly – preferably whilst riding on the back of a racing motorcycle – gives you a total boner, then this is the film for you. You will not be able to believe your eyes. Even watching this trailer will drive you crazy with anticipation.
Okay, now that all the meatheads are preoccupied with the bright lights and loud noises, I can speak frankly. The truth of the matter is that this film should be avoided like AIDS. Prisoners forced to play in a sadistic live-action game that thousands of viewers turn in to watch/play? Have we not seen this idea done to death yet? I think so. And I don’t think that tacking on some shitty backstory where people play real live video games is going to cut the fucking mustard on this one, lads.
I think you can get free passes to this movie when you buy a Hummer.
I'll Tell You What Sucks. 
