Kambakkht Ishq.

Kambakkht Ishq (2009)

India

Running Time: N/A (I’m guessing somewhere around four or five hours)

Director: Sabir Khan

Writer: Sabir Khan

               Ishita Moitra

               Anvita Dutt Guptan

This is definitely one of the worst looking trailers that I have ever seen for a movie.  Not only that, but somehow the filmmakers behind this managed to make Sylvester Stallone come off far more retarded than he typically does.  I love you Sly, but you and the other Hollywood stars who whored themselves out for this will now forever be among the first and last Hollywood stars to fall victim to the unbelievably false belief that Bollywood films are going to become popular anywhere else other than India.  Sorries all around.

Oh right, Slumdog Millionaire.  Yes, it’s true: Slumdog Millionaire is responsible for this trend and belief.  Bollywood and Bollywood style films have become somewhat trendy and fashionable in Hollywood at the moment as a result of Slumdog‘s Oscar collection.  I didn’t particularly like Slumdog (though I didn’t hate it), but I have liked some of Danny Boyle’s past work.  And this is where producers and studios have it all wrong: Danny Boyle was capable of making Bollywood imagery stylish and trendy because he is a good filmmaker.  Bollywood just isn’t.  

It isn’t going to be much longer (most likely somewhere around the release of this shit-stain) before the studios realize that hey – these Bollywood films really are terrible.  I mean, it’s not even in the same league of terribleness as Hollywood so often embraces.  This is a whole other terrible – a terrible that can only be matched by the barf-flavoured-burp storylines and acting that are typically only found in porno movies.  That sort of crappiness is acceptable in porno movies, because we know that we’ll actually get to see something worthwhile in return for our tolerance.  Not so with Bollywood.

I also love how both studios shown at the start of this trailer each ripped off something Hollywood.  Eros ripped off the Universal logo promo, while Nadiadwala Grandson Entertainment PVT LTD chose to rip off the 20th Century Fox logo promo.  That’s always been my biggest complaint about Bollywood – it rips everything off, from films to storylines to distribution company logos.

So what’s the story in Kambakkht Ishq?  A tough, misogynist Hollwood stuntman meets a finicky model.  And they argue.  They also argue and then sometimes they will dance (but they won’t be happy with each other whilst they dance, they will be arguing with their bodies, don’t you know).  At the end they fall in love.

 I just saved you ten bucks.