2012.

2012 (2009)

USA/Canada

Running Time: N/A

Director: Roland Emmerich

Writer: Roland Emmerich

              Harald Kloser

It occurred to me while watching this trailer, that what’s actually a far more frightening concept than the end of the world is the end of the world during which everything is destroyed except for all the CGI equipment that Hollywood owns and director Roland Emmerich.  If that were to occur, the only hope for entertainment that survivors of the apocalypse could hope for would come in the form of  terrible films comprised solely of special effects, created by one of the single worst directors to ever make a lot of money. 

I know.  I just felt the collective shudder.

Not yet satisfied with being responsible for five previous shitty films that deal with the subject of the destruction of mankind, Herr Emmerich has decided that it’s time to return to the WC for yet another blast of cinematic diarrhea. 

Oh Roland, Roland, Roland…You know, this afternoon after watching the trailer for 2012, I began to ask myself why Emmerich doesn’t just give up on live action films and start doing animation, seeing as he loves to play with computer generated images so much.  The answer that I inevitably came up with was that Emmerich doing such a thing would most likely qualify as child abuse.  See, as adults we learn to stomach all sorts of terrible and nasty things.  We know that it’s just part of life.  But a child, a child is innocent and hasn’t yet come to realize that there are shit-lobbers like Mr Emmerich out there, all set to ruin everyone’s fun.  It’s really quite tragic.

Instead, I think that Emmerich would be better off making trailer-length films.  I think that everything that anyone has ever wanted to see in a Roland Emmerich film has been established in his trailers.  Things blowing up?  Check.  Large things falling over and crushing everything beneath?  Check.  The earth splitting open and swallowing people up?  Check.  The script doesn’t matter in these sorts of films, so what more do we need to see from this guy that can’t be established within the course of 2-3 minutes?