A Perfect Getaway.

A Perfect Getaway (2009)

USA

Running Time: N/A

Director: David Twohy

Writer: David Twohy

Can someone please explain to me why it is that Milla Jovovich consistently manages to star in over-the-top feces-fests like this one?  No kidding, she’s like the female version of The Rock (sorry “Dwayne”, you’re not living that one down so easy.  You’ll forever be “The Rock” as far as I’m concerned). 

I’d also like someone to explain to me why, based on what I’ve seen in the trailer for this sewage pipe clog, that a helicopter seems to get more screen-time than any of the other cast members.  I’m guessing that it has something to do with a flying apparatus being about a billion times more entertaining than anything else that this fucking smorgasbord of garbage could possibly have to offer.

And you know what?  I’m also wondering who green lit this thing and why the go to man for the coveted position of writer/director is none other than David Twohy, the same creative genius who wrote Critters fucking 2.  I guess the execs wanted someone who could really flesh out the elements that have been missing from the other thirty thousand times that this story has been rehashed throughout the years.  

No problem.  I’m super confident that Twohy can bring that certain je ne sais quoi to pivotal moments, like Steve Zahn knife fighting some other talentless cock-swami in a lagoon somewhere in Hawaii.

I’d rather drink a slurpee cup full of my own urine than pay 10 bucks to sit through this soulless masturbathon.